Out of inspiration

Usually a post is inspired by something and right now I have no inspiration. So I'm not trying to be lazy, I just don't know what to post about.

Where Have I Been. What am I Feeling?

I can tell you right now, that life is not always so simple.

A few months ago I wrote about my experience with panic disorder.

Months past.

Everything got worse.

I've been diagnosed with severe clinical depression.

I've been to so many psychologists and therapists and I find them asking me the same question.

"How are you feeling?"

I feel like, when a wave crashes over your head in the ocean, and it pulls you deeper into the ocean. All your doing is gripping the sand, but all the sand does is slip through your fingers.

I almost feel lost. Except when your lost, you know where your supposed to be. And now, I don't even know that.

I can't explain to you how awful it feels. It feels so awful to be scared of yourself. To be terrified of what you might do to yourself.

I can't explain the countless nights I've spent, praying and pleading for help.

I can't tell you, how many times I've wanted to let go.

The sadness is so great,

That all I am is numb.

Music

        So I don't know why but I decided to make a post on music...

        Music is such a massive part of my life. It keeps me going in life. I love to sing, I play guitar and piano. I honestly love it so much, like if you judge my music opinion...no just no.

        Youtubers who need more credit for their amazing voices

1. iwantaltitude
2. Lily Ahlberg
3. Laica Salas
4. And so, so many more.

      If you have a YouTube channel please tell me! I'm always looking for new YouTubers c:

      ♕

Making Anonymous Gaming Videos?!?! .o.

         Boom, clap. Doo doo doo doo.
         Don't ask I don't even know.

         EXCITING NEWS.

         I'VE DECIDED TO OPEN AN ANONYMOUS GAMING CHANNEL .O.

         So basically since the whole point of this blog is for me to be able to share my opinions without being judge...I won't reveal my identity. Maybe at one point I will, you never know.

         I need some suggestions FROM YOU on what games to play. I will be started a crazy craft mine craft series, "mine craft for beginners" series, hunger games mine craft...and I'm also thinking of setting up some accounts on various virtual worlds so I can hang out with you guys and be stupid xDD

         These will be anonymous videos so I won't be speaking threw the mic. I'm going to find different methods such as...typing on notes, or finding a certain voice generator (Although the ones I have found are quite disturbing and creepy.)

        DON'T WORRY. I will still update you on my life in my blog and maybe even have a few q and a's c:

         BE PREPARED FOR GREAT THINGS. KEEP LOOKING AT MY YOUTUBE CHANNEL FOR NEW VIDEOS .O.

           ♕

Back to School.

            Don't kill me. I know I said "This blog post will be out soon". Okay you got me. I'm sorry, I've just got a lot on my plate right now.

            Back to school...

            No matter how many years I've been at my school I still get butterflies before I head off for my first day. Is it just me or do you always feel like your gonna show up and and everything has changed. Like your friends ditched you or something. Well I've survived another back to school year.

            Now this post is basically addressed to the freshman. Because I'm gonna help you guys out with a few pointers. I wish I knew this stuff when I started high school

1. You're gonna make friends. Don't be afraid you'll have nobody. You always make new friends during high school.
2. Be on time for classes. I know this may be hard, because you're so confused about the layout of your school, but trust me you'll get used to it. If you can bring a small map in your agenda so that if you get lost you can still make it on time.
3. Get involved. Make friends and join sport teams, clubs or anything within your school. It makes your high school experience a lot better.
4. Don't act "too cool". I don't really know how to explain this...but as a freshman you have to realize your younger than everyone. And everyone hates it when a freshman acts cool. (No offence freshman...Remember I was a freshman once too...)
5. There aren't really any horrible bullies in high school. Yah theres gonna be a few out there, but you just stay out of their way. I promise you not everyone is mean.
6. Its not as bad as it seems. Everyone says high school is so hard, everyones rude and there is tons of bullying. Thats bull. High school is amazing. Yah, your gonna have to study hard and the exams are gonna be challenging. But it's all so worth it. You meet amazing people and have so many stories to tell friends. I know I've already made so many memories.

         "High schools a roller coaster. Theres up and downs, but every time you get off you say "Let's go again."

♕

Where Have I Been?

    Okay. I'm sorry

     Hopefully you've accepted my apology...if not sorry again.

     Okay. Anyways, let's get on with it.

     I'm sorry to say that I have no explanation for why I haven't been posting. I guess it was maybe because I didn't know what to post about. But now I've realized I should just post whatever I'm thinking. After all tat's why I started this, to share my thoughts.

     I have started school...but I'm writing a post on that so I don't really want to talk about that. Let's just say it's a struggle.

    Well be ready for some new posts because I'm back!

   ♕

The Aftermath Of Panic Attacks

         Everyone is different when it comes to anxiety, people deal with it differently, panic differently or have different needs. This post is simply going to be how I dealt with it.

        For a long period in my life I was simply terrified. I didn't want people to think differently of me. I was so scared to go to school, or any other activities. Just because I was simply petrified that I would panic in front of people. This really I guess got me down. I spent a lot of time just sitting in my room, which is really not good. For someone like me, I should have been surrounded by people. It just makes you a whole lot happier.

       I really didn't know what to do. So many people just couldn't understand. They would try to understand, but honestly there is no bridge between people who have panic attacks and people who don't. Me not going to all these activities, it wasn't helping. I need to participate and be distracted for a while, when all I was thinking was am I gonna panic?

       Panic attacks also caused a lot of physical pain. For a while I always had this sort of knot in my stomach, and I always felt as if I were coming down with the flu. My muscles became super tense (I am still seeing a physio) I tried getting massages but the knots in my muscles are so tight that, that didn't cut it. I also had a lot of pain in my throat, which I'm actually having today...it causes more trouble to breathe and its just a struggle.

      I understand if you are experiencing any of these things, but now I need to show you how to get threw them, because you will.

      I started participating more when I realized I would never get this opportunity again. I'm never going to be in this grade in high school again. Never going to be this age, never going to get so many of these opportunities back. I understand its really hard, but you're going to get threw this.

     If you're having muscle spasms I can recommend a few things:

1.  Stretch the affected muscle

2. Use a heating pad

3.  See a doctor or physio

4.  Stay hydrated

5.  Ice the muscle

6.   Get a massage

     I hope this really help all of you! Remember to get out the best of life and continue to participate.
Thanks for all the support

♕