Where Have I Been. What am I Feeling?

I can tell you right now, that life is not always so simple.

A few months ago I wrote about my experience with panic disorder.

Months past.

Everything got worse.

I've been diagnosed with severe clinical depression.

I've been to so many psychologists and therapists and I find them asking me the same question.

"How are you feeling?"

I feel like, when a wave crashes over your head in the ocean, and it pulls you deeper into the ocean. All your doing is gripping the sand, but all the sand does is slip through your fingers.

I almost feel lost. Except when your lost, you know where your supposed to be. And now, I don't even know that.

I can't explain to you how awful it feels. It feels so awful to be scared of yourself. To be terrified of what you might do to yourself.

I can't explain the countless nights I've spent, praying and pleading for help.

I can't tell you, how many times I've wanted to let go.

The sadness is so great,

That all I am is numb.